Things I Love Thursday: GLITTER!!!!

I'm at Panera working on this post, and I already ate my salad and got a 2nd degree jaw muscle strain from eating that rock hard baguette, so I gotta go quick before they kick me out.

Without further ado...

Things I LOVE Thursday: GLITTER

Surely no one is confused here, but just to clarify, I'm not talking about this:

Alright...the rules are the same as always. Just read and have fun, because life is typically made up of carpools and pulled back muscles and root canals and dinner that doesn't cook itself. Not here. Not today.

We're just talking about shiny, sparkly things that can add a tish of fluff in your life to put a smile on your face.

Click on the numbered, bold font, underlined item names to go to the webpage where you can purchase these items if you so choose.

Let the good times roll....

1. I Actually Hate Real Glitter and You Probably Do, Too

Don't overthink this. The look of glitter? Amazing.

Actual glitter all over your kitchen because if your son can't drink 2oz. of orange juice without spilling it, why would we arm him with a tube of glitter? Go away.

Actual Glitter is like the flu. It spreads. And sometimes you just gotta wait it out. Comedian Demetri Martin compared it to something that rhymes with lerpes, but that is inappropriate.

Ever picked up a greeting card you didn't realize had glitter on it and then downloaded an application to the Funny Farm after trying to rid yourself of the piece that has been stuck to the side of your nose for two days?

Turns out enough of us have suffered glitter problems that an entire business is built around sending a surprise spring loaded glitter bomb to your enemy.

For those of you who don't click on the links to see, please know that the website is

Things like this restore my hope in people.

Until people send me one.

But for the glitter products that don't try to ruin your life....we love you and embrace you and are here for all of it.

2. Wall Flair by Glitter

Mix this magic into a can of paint and tell Chip and Jo to step aside.

I was going to suggest that it would be a treat to wake up with your walls shining as the sun peeks through your curtains, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that those with glitter walls are also those with sleep masks who may not see the sunrise.
I can't guarantee that glitter won't increase your chances of eyelid cancer, but I can tell you that it will increase your chances of the dental hygienist complimenting your choice in eye shadow while you're laying there with your eyes shut for half an hour. 

Every day we're faced with decisions. Pretty eye shadow shouldn't be one we pause for.

This bag is just too dang much. 
Positive Message that might be a lie depending on the day✅
Confined glitter ✅✅✅

I need another bag like I need a hole in my head.

But God gave Eve everything she needed in the garden, too, and that girl went big time screw up for a piece of fruit.

I'm just saying dumber choices with much heftier consequences have been made than getting this bag.

Food and beverage folks, this one's for you. 
Cranky customers will come and go, but your style is here to stay.

And you'll probably get more tips from people like me who consider cute money holders almost as important as good service.

This very morning I folded a load of my laundry only to discover that apparently I only exercise/pretend to exercise and sleep.

But once in a blue moon, mama's gotta get it together for an event that branches outside the athleisure and sleepwear categories.

So, I enlist the help of Rent the Runway and hope with all my might that my rental fits.

Then the night of the event, I remember that toting my rainbow backpack from Walmart probably isn't the best purse option and I experience a Clutch Freak Out. 

Clutch Freak Out = freaking out that I don't own a clutch followed by kicking myself that I forgot to order one the last time I suffered CFO

Maybe I'll turn the tables on the formalwear universe and rent dresses to match the purse.

Belts have been a rediscovery on my part over the past couple of years. I felt for so long that they were restrictive and uncomfortable. And they are.

But then I realized moms do a lot of bending over during their unpaid working hours and that no one wants to see anyone's butt crack.

So, I'm Team Belt again.

My instinct is to suggest filling this bag with fun things like colorful pens, Little Debbies and lip gloss.

But maybe you should fill it with the things of dread instead.

Dress up those tampons, girls.
Disguise those blood pressure meds you had to start because of youth baseball.
Wad up the letter your health insurance company mailed to you saying you've entered a new age range which means you're now more likely to get sick/injured and most assuredly more expensive to ensure.

Brainwash by glitter.

It'll only take one time for people to ask, "Who's phone is this?" before they commit to memory that you're the girl who knows a cool phone case when she sees it. 

They'll have no idea that while watching the glitter fall from one end of the case to the other end of the case during the car rider line, three Honda Odysseys honked in unison to get you back to reality and MOVE FORWARD ALREADY!!!

Sometimes on days that end in multiple baseball games, I choose glitter shoes just because looking at them gleam under the field lights is the last bit of excitement I'll get before the kids are all asleep meaning it's safe to delve into the secret candy stash.

I bet even dog poop and bubble gum see these things coming their way and show some respect.

There's really nothing to add here.

Elle Woods would so have these pens. And in saying that, I feel like I'm not worthy.

These are the pens of contracts and documents.
Not permission slips, behavior charts, and medical history forms.

Also, the description mentions something about refills, which is more pen maintenance than I'm used to. So that's probably the reason the next set of pens is more in my zone.

Kid birthday cards, thank you notes, doodles on school lunch bags. 
These are for you.

And if one bursts in your bag...hey...

glitter stain!

I've made enough hasty decisions to determine that firearms and tasers aren't for me to carry.
But pepper spray might be more my speed. The time to unlatch the cover and spin the top to spray mode might be juuuust enough to time to decipher if the guy approaching me in the parking lot is a creep or the store clerk offering to take my cart back into the store.

Leave it to glitter to make even retina burning potion appealing!


I am completely lacking in sunglasses care. Smudged lenses, throwing them in my purse without regard, tucking them in my shirt and letting them fall to the ground, lens down.

Maybe it's time...

These might match that clutch. 
But if not, NO ONE CARES. Be the girl that rents the dress but owns it in the areas that count.

Oh, Glitter,

I'll tell you what.

You never let us down.

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