Things I Love Thursday: MOM CAMP

Taking a slight detour for TILT today.

Everyone, just calm the heck down.

If the post title was a tish more accurate, it would read:

Things I Love Thursday: Writing

And while it's true. I DO love writing and this little blog of creativity set aside for an outlet for me, it is a lame title.

I thought more of you might resonate with this little edited and revised notion of Mom Camp that struck a cord with me four years ago when the original post was written. I was in the midst of prepping Jack and Finn for their first venture to summer camp when FOMO and selfishness settled in, and the idea was born for:

        

Dern, y'all!

Is it just me or is scheduling the kids' Summer plans a whole thing?

One minute I be like GET THEM OUT OF HERE! WE ARE DOING ALL THE CAMPS! and then the next minute I'm all just go outside, eat your 7th popsicle, play, and

entertain yourselves.

This year, however, there's one difference.

Jack and Finn are going to SUMMER CAMP. Not just the morning VBS down the road.

I'm talking cabins and counselors and lakes and friends and writing letters and

fires and wait...fires? and other dangerous things and choking..choking?? and

no one in the mountains of NC knows the Heimlich, and they could die, and I

wouldn't be there to save them and wait..that's psycho and they'll be fine and I

won't have to hear arguing and fun and yay and double yay and CAAAAAMMMP!!!

The paperwork has been intense. It's like they're

joining the Army. Except instead of choosing if they want to attack by land, sea or water, they get to choose fun stuff.

But I did what I normally do and manipulated them into choosing what I thought would be the best choices.

Crafts.

Anyhoo, I basically got super jealous and decided that

the world is a stupid place for not having

MOM CAMP

As with all reputable camps, there would be tribes.

Anewbes: These are the mothers of newborns and infants. These campers aren’t even aware that they need Camp. Almost always they’ve cashed in a gift card that their husband gave them, and they don’t want to be there at all. They are likely to leave early and will oftentimes be seen with their breastpumps.

Homesickness alert level is RED.

The HelpMe Tribe: All other moms. You’ll see some HelpMes without arms or legs because that’s what they gave to get to Camp. They usually arrive with two bags. One under each eye.

Their homesickness is alert level NOPE.

 CAMP SKILLS

 NADT: NOT A DERN THING

It’s a camp favorite and fills up quickly.

 

POOL TIME

You sunscreen your own body and no one elses. No rest period. No swim diapers. No diving rings. No lost diving rings. No soggy Goldfish crackers. No need to force anyone to show you their backstroke they've been working on. In fact, the surface of the pool may not even break. But we're there in the suits of our choice. Not worrying about wardrobe malfunctions.

CAKE EATING WHILE WEARING SWEATPANTS

Campers will get their own piece of cake and can eat it, too. Not just what their kiddo didn’t eat at the birthday party. Cozy pants welcome.

 

WEDDING REDO

Campers assemble with their ipads, Pinterest accounts and a wedding consultant to plan the wedding they would have this day in age. At the end of the session, campers reveal their choices and renew their vows.

 

SPA-ING



Choices include Marathon Massage, Just Lying on the Massage Table for Hours Smelling Like Eucalyptus, Pedicures While Eating Apps, Manicures and Mararons

PHOTO ORGANIZING

 

Campers provide a staff unicorn with their Snapfish, Shutterfly, Kodak and google gallery passwords. The staff unicorn performs a miracle and organizes all photos. Labeled photo boxes with 4x6 prints are available at the camp store after closing ceremonies. U-Hauls are payment plans are available.

 

CLICK HERE FOR THESE PHOTO ORGANIZERS

 

THE BLOB

This is just like the one at kid camp.

Except the Moms own it.

PERSONAL STYLING

For this activity, a stylist will tell you what makes you look terrible as well what makes you look amazing.

They will then pull the amazing things off of their infinitely stocked racks and

dress you accordingly. Everyone leaves with five outfits.

SQUEAL.

WORK OUT

This can be anything from Zumba to CrossFit to just wearing workout

clothes so that everyone thinks you worked out. No judgement allowed.

Click HERE for the tank

MEAL PLANNING

Campers walk up to the canteen window where they ask for the

meal plan sheet that is already typed out for them and organized into a shopping

list. Since this only takes five minutes to do, the rest of the activity time

can be spent napping or eating Twix bars.

SPORTS OF THE PAST

Campers will be able to participate in the sports they

dominated in years past. They will learn the importance of youth, agility and

fitness and how motherhood has stolen these from them like a thief in the

night. The purpose of this activity is humility through humiliation.

SLEEPING IN

Nothing fancy here.

Alright, Mamas of the world, before I get too

excited...

What activity would you add to imaginary Mom Camp?

And while we're on the mom topic..

You're all amazing. You're doing a great job. You're rockstars